hrm.... long time nv blog le... kind of feeling emotional for the past few weeks...

been thinking of putting tattoo.... but i have this problem of keloid.... wondering wat is keloid???

ke·loid also che·loid - A red, raised formation of fibrous scar tissue caused by excessive tissue repair in response to trauma or surgical incision.

there understand??? yeah i had been thru operations before... and i had tat problem.... its so huge that i find it ugly looking and self conscious... it's also kind of itchy at times and also painful...

i dunno why i feel so emotional... but i have been feeling that i can cry out anytime... i keep feeling sad... if u see me, u will nv think that im sad... cause i always hide my true feelings from everyone... besides keeping this online diary of mine... i have another diary... a written one... which only contains how i really feel...

i don't know how to show my emotions well, thats why i always smile n laugh... i seldom cry in front of anyone now... even when my mum passed away i was still smiling... im also not very good in speaking out my emotions... so writing is the best way for me...

i don't knw... but thinking back in my life i found out that so much has happened to me... it cant be told in a day. i need so much time to tell... few ppl knw about it...

i thought of all the things i went through... and suddenly i felt lonely... there are too many things that happened to me and i had to go through them alone... i had no friends, relatives to help me pull through those difficulties...

too many lessons learnt and too many things lost... lessons learnt to treasure, to love and to care.. but i lost so much before i knew... phobias created through experience in life... too much to name... too many to tell...

i told myself... no matter how tough, how lonely i am, how scared i am... i will pull through it... i will cherish other ppl more. esp my friends and loved ones... i will not repeat wat i did wrongly...

Courage is wat i need...