hrm.... long time nv blog le... kind of feeling emotional for the past few weeks...

been thinking of putting tattoo.... but i have this problem of keloid.... wondering wat is keloid???

ke·loid also che·loid - A red, raised formation of fibrous scar tissue caused by excessive tissue repair in response to trauma or surgical incision.

there understand??? yeah i had been thru operations before... and i had tat problem.... its so huge that i find it ugly looking and self conscious... it's also kind of itchy at times and also painful...

i dunno why i feel so emotional... but i have been feeling that i can cry out anytime... i keep feeling sad... if u see me, u will nv think that im sad... cause i always hide my true feelings from everyone... besides keeping this online diary of mine... i have another diary... a written one... which only contains how i really feel...

i don't know how to show my emotions well, thats why i always smile n laugh... i seldom cry in front of anyone now... even when my mum passed away i was still smiling... im also not very good in speaking out my emotions... so writing is the best way for me...

i don't knw... but thinking back in my life i found out that so much has happened to me... it cant be told in a day. i need so much time to tell... few ppl knw about it...

i thought of all the things i went through... and suddenly i felt lonely... there are too many things that happened to me and i had to go through them alone... i had no friends, relatives to help me pull through those difficulties...

too many lessons learnt and too many things lost... lessons learnt to treasure, to love and to care.. but i lost so much before i knew... phobias created through experience in life... too much to name... too many to tell...

i told myself... no matter how tough, how lonely i am, how scared i am... i will pull through it... i will cherish other ppl more. esp my friends and loved ones... i will not repeat wat i did wrongly...

Courage is wat i need...

duh... i cant upload the photos... my sis took the digi cam and i didn't upload the photos into my com....

well last weekend was quite happening for me... went to momo to club with my secondary school classmates... Yun Ying, Victoria, Tan Lin and Janet... well i've only been in contact with Yun ying and rarely with Victoria and i totally nv contact janet and tan ling.... we used to hang out together in secondary school...

well last saturday we were at momo to celebrate Victoria's 21st b'day and it was the most happening clubing ever for me....

Victoria fell down the platform and she and her bf nearly had a fight at the dance floor....

then after i left she fell down again and her bf got attacked in the toilet..... and many much more happened...

wow.... i've nv had such a night while clubbing.... maybe i dun club thats why i dun see much... hahahaha....

i prefer to stay at home do my nails or play game... i neither drink nor dance... k i do dance a little... but i really dun drink...

i hate the taste and smell of alcohol... they nv taste nice at all... they taste like the vomit after u get drunk... its disgusting... drinking vomit... how it sounds?

i'm now starting to add more breaks on my blog postings as i found out that i really feel its fustrating to read so many words in one paragraph.... i end up stop checking for my spelling mistakes....

by

breaking

more

lines

should

make

it

easier

rite???

h
o
w

a
b
o
u
t

l
i
k
e

t
h
i
s
?

lol.... im going crazy soon... bored in sch and at home... cant stand the sight of computer soon... hahaha....

k im bluffing the part about computer.... but recently i've stopped playing my game... i reach home everyday and i would rather watch tv then play game...

i feel that i use less energy to watch tv then playing game... i can play till i almost fall aslp... loose my concentration in game.... bleah... i feel more like going out.... close up too long i will die!!!!

I NEED MY FREEDOM TO MOVE!!!!! i cant stay on a same spot forever... i love my freedom... so much that i've learnt to love to go home more....

i used to have no freedom at all.... imagine everyone at the age of 13 onwards had the freedom to go out with friends... me i had to beg nd plea.... until i only get the chance to go out with friends once a year...

yeah... tat sucks... till i was 15, i had a curfew, everyday b4 7pm i must reach home... k its better a bit but it still sucks... everyone can go home at 9, 10pm or even later...

then when i was 16, i had all th freedom i had. no one can get hold of me. i can even don't go home for a week or so... until im 18, i learnt to want to go home early...

i don't knw why the sudden change... but i suddenly want to go home before 10pm... i didn't want to stay out alone too long... only fridays and saturdays i would prefer to go out... watch late night show and enjoy...

other than that i don't really like to stay out too long... i would always want to go home after sch... hrm... if i could wonder why the sudden change....

damn... im hating MIT ppl more day by day... now im juz waiting for time to pass and i will go sign out, meet feli and go jog at the stadium... gah!!!! they start their loud n noisy shouting n laughing making sure everyone can listen in the room... and listen damn clearly! think by tonite i will upload the pics at the cat show... SOMEONE!!!! pls shut them up!!!!! cant even have a minute of silence....

speaking of silence... actually i like silence during certain times of the day... but sometimes i hate silence... silence brings out the sorrowness within... too many things..... after all these years i've nv learnt to speak out.... i keep trying not to repeat my mistake, i keep trying to convince myself, i have too many think about too little words to describe...

w00t~! went to the cat show last sunday and it was great!!!! damn the cats are pretty!!!! omg!!!! they r all nice n fluffy..... will upload the pics when i have the time or when i feel like :P

im very engrossed with painting my nails :P i bougt quite a few nail art pens :D hahaha will show how i did my nails too! juz too bad i dont have the paitence to use my left hand and paint my right hand... damn why is it so hard to do? sigh....

the MIT students ar getting noisier day by day! i cant tolerate them anymore! their shreaking laughter, loudly shouting in lab, on their music loudly and watching movie loudly is getting on my nerves!!! damn those asshole and bitches! cant they juz be more considerate? juz now they were talking so loudly about this gay's blog. why cant they be more polite? gays are human too. they r laughing so loudly n reading out loud wats in the blog... and started to do eeeeewwww, yucks, ah hahahaha.... it irritating... everyone can write a blog why cant he write? since u dun like it the why continue reading?? you can stop it. please... this is juz so rude of them to do that. imagine someone reading you blog and go,"eeeeeeeeewwwww, yucks, ah hahahaha, its disgusting!!!" damn wat have i wrote to encourage them to say tat? did i post a headless body? did i post a nude photo? did i said something about my liking for another guy?? i can say i like another guy why cant gays say that? they like guys too.... why is there anything wrong?i find no wrong in this. if u wanna blame them for that... think 1st and then blame mother nature....

I've finally uploaded the chalet photos and some other photos ^^ enjoy!!!

damn.... im going to give up trying to upload pics into msn.... i cant!!!! damn... those chalet pics.... >.<

last friday went to watch ice age 2... w00t~! its a good show man.... u will sure laugh from the start to the end... imagine a mammoth think she is a possum? an elephant like 9 tons possum? and her brothers are rats look a-likes and real possums!!!! hehehe dun let u guys knw much about it its a great movie go catch it!

my FYP is killing me... it is so hard.... >.< i going to go crazy soon.... sigh.... presentation in another 2 more weeks... oh somebody save me~~~~~~!!!!! having headaches now....bout to go home soon... go surf some net n play some games... :P